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SEBASTIAN AND THE TROLL A little story about how it feels Sebastian lives in a bubble of glass. The ground shakes, in a few seconds they’ll be here, all his inner demons. Because he knows how good it would have felt on the way down, and then maybe it doesn’t hurt anymore? It can’t be imagination, Sebastian thinks, because he doesn’t have that good of an imagination and he knows practically nothing about paws, does he? Sebastian closes his eyes and holds his knees with his hands, because there’s nothing else to hold on to in here. He flails his arms wildly, feel his clothes get wet and his shoes fill up with sharp claws, something is pulling him down into the depths as if he’s drowning. ”Did you push…you frikking idiot…did you push me into…into the ocean? The troll’s fur gets dark and heavy and is sucked into the depth. The words shiver when the answer falls from Sebastian’s lips and the tears bring him to his knees: ”I don’t want it to hurt anymore. This is a problem, of course, on this everybody on the outside agrees. He feels their shadows and how cold they make everything. Down there at the end of the falling down, maybe it will feel like it never hurt at all? So he stays, and everything that hurts rushes straight through him, down into the abyss, laughing and howling. He wants to throw up, but the troll places its paw at the back of his neck and then for a long while it feels like Sebastian takes off and floats. ” he screams to the troll, panicking with his nose barely over the surface now. Sebastian reaches his hand out and grabs its paw, an endless storm riding in over them. ” Sebastian yells in the troll’s ear, or at least where he thinks trolls might have ears. ”, the troll roars back, where the troll thinks Sebastian has ears.
Sleeps with shallow breaths and deep nightmares, just for a few minutes at a time. ” The troll rolls its eyes, disgruntledly flails its paw against the walls of the bubble, kicks a threshold, annoyed.
Slowly and carefully, with its most beautiful letters.
”Because sometimes when you wake up there’s breakfast.” The troll puts its paw under Sebastian’s cheek.
Sebastian himself said nothing, and now he can’t hear anyone at all from the outside anymore. I’ve been asleep inside your heart for a hundred thousand years. Like balloons, balloons also become very small when they sleep.” ”And when they break”, Sebastian notes. He doesn’t eat very much anymore, everyone worries about that, as if food was the problem instead of the problem being the problem. My imagination isn’t this good.” The troll takes a deep bow.
He doesn’t know if it’s because they gave up or if the glass just got thicker. The troll nods thoughtfully, as if this is very, very true. It’s easier to worry about food, of course, it’s understandable that the people on the outside stick to the kind of worrying they know best. ”You get pretty hungry after a hundred thousand years. I know how sad you are.” Sebastian reaches his hand out.
He sat close to the glass back then, reading the words off their lips. A person is supposed to think that having fun is fun, otherwise something that shouldn’t be broken is broken.